Life Is So Short: Why Do Most People Conform to Convention Instead of Pursuing What They Truly Want?

I have been following this question for over a year, but I had yet to see an answer that truly satisfied me. It wasn't until I read Escape from Freedom these past few days that I had an epiphany. Combining those insights with my own reflections, I have written this response.

Why do most people always drift toward the mundane and conventional? This is actually a universal question that spans history and cultures. Written after World War II, Erich Fromm's Escape from Freedom discusses a profound paradox: Why did the Western world, after centuries of struggling since the Renaissance and the Reformation to break free from political, economic, and religious constraints in pursuit of liberty, willingly submit to Nazi authoritarianism during WWII?

In reality, achieving true freedom and pursuing what one genuinely wants is not easy. As the saying goes, "The last ten miles of a hundred-mile journey are the hardest." Most people fall victim to their inner loneliness and fear, social conditioning, and the expectations of others, thereby losing their true selves.

Do You Truly Possess Freedom?

In recent decades, our country has developed rapidly. People no longer worry about hunger and can migrate freely without the restrictions of household registration. On the surface, we can do what we want and choose our lifestyles freely. But do we truly possess freedom?

The book introduces two concepts: "negative freedom" and "positive freedom." The development and progress of society have removed various political, economic, and ideological shackles from individuals. This is called negative freedom because it is not something you pursued yourself; rather, it is something you gained passively due to social progress. "Positive freedom," on the other hand, lies in developing the authentic self, taking control of one's life, and realizing one's potential.

At the philosophical and psychological levels, many have explored the meaning of positive freedom.

In the 19th century, Feuerbach, Marx, Stirner, and Nietzsche all expressed similar views: the individual should not be subordinated to any external purpose other than their own development, progress, or happiness.

Humanistic psychology focuses on human free will and self-actualization. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs places "self-actualization" at the peak, suggesting that humans have an inherent drive to develop their potential.

However, when you pick up one end of the stick (freedom), you inevitably pick up the other end (responsibility). You are free to choose your job, which means bearing the risk of unstable income; you are free to make various life choices, which means being responsible for the outcomes; you are free to express your thoughts, but you must be prepared to be refuted or rejected by others.

These responsibilities are so heavy that you instinctively want to escape them, along with the loneliness, fear, and anxiety they bring.

This is the origin of the title Escape from Freedom. While freedom brings independence and rationality, it is also accompanied by profound loneliness, powerlessness, and anxiety. To escape this unbearable burden, people are often willing to give up their independent selves to merge with others, seeking a sense of security and belonging.

Most people have never possessed true positive freedom; they have hidden in a psychological greenhouse. This gives them security, but the price is the loss of freedom and the abandonment of the self.

Why Is It So Hard to Pursue What You Want?

The book mentions that the most common way to escape freedom is "automaton conformity"—adopting the choices of others and the expectations of society as one's own. This is the so-called "going with the flow." It not only satisfies the expectations of others but also avoids the risks of making one's own choices.

Back in school, I noticed a life trajectory common to many men: they work hard to support a family and sacrifice everything for their children, yet they rarely have personal hobbies and often appear dull or rigid.

I recently re-watched the first season of Westworld. Seeing the fixed daily routines of the "hosts" (robots), it occurred to me that many people in reality have trajectories just as fixed. Like NPCs in a game, they never change; you can always find them at a set time and place, and they seem never to have possessed thoughts of their own.

Turning oneself into a robot or a tool is a tragedy, yet it is a portrayal of many people's lives. They live in the expectations of others, striving toward secular goals. Millions of people live according to the same template. They strive for the "standard answer" but never live out their individuality or pursue what they truly want.

However, do not be too quick to criticize these people. This "automaton conformity" is largely a result of social engineering rather than individual choice.

We start school at age 6 and graduate at 18. During those long years in school, we not only learn knowledge but also shape our personalities. Unfortunately, modern education often stifles subjectivity, replacing spontaneous thoughts with imposed ideas.

You might ask: if education focuses primarily on knowledge, why does it have such a huge impact on one's thinking?

In fact, when education focuses only on knowledge, emphasizing factual information and "objectivity," it actually weakens the capacity for thinking and dissolves the drive to pursue truth. This is a form of ideological indoctrination and the stifling of original thought.

While education stifles original thinking, society numbs critical thinking. The fragmented information of short videos is constantly destroying people's ability to think structurally about the world. Most people are becoming strangers to the very concept of thinking.

If even your thoughts are not your own, is it possible that your feelings and desires also come from the outside? Before pursuing what you want, you must first know what you want. This desire cannot be the "success" or "lineage" indoctrinated by the outside world.

Therefore, drifting into the mundane and living in a daze is actually the result of a conspiracy between schools and society. Do not blame yourself. Life is short; in the years to come, simply keep searching for what you want.

The True Path to Freedom Lies in Love and Creation

How, then, can we embrace freedom (instead of escaping it) and truly live as ourselves?

This is a massive lifelong topic that I am still exploring, but I will share the profound insights provided by the book.

Since the root of escaping freedom lies in the insecurity that follows individual independence, one must find a new way to reconnect with the world to dissolve that insecurity. The keywords given in the book are: Love and Creation.

Love represents connecting with others and the world. True self-actualization must involve doing things that are valuable to the world. Through love, we overcome loneliness without having to give up our individual freedom and integrity.

Creation represents pursuing the process rather than the result. When we exercise our talents—whether creating a work of art or solving a problem—we are actively giving meaning to the world and ourselves. This sense of meaning is a powerful force for resisting nihilism and confirming self-worth.

If you feel lost right now and don't know what you want, try starting by developing a creative hobby. Note that such a hobby must be creative. Examples of creative hobbies include writing, playing an instrument, or crafting; examples of non-creative hobbies include visiting exhibitions, binge-watching shows, or gaming.

The book calls these types of activities "spontaneous activities." They come entirely from within you and are expressions of your true self. Every such spontaneous activity is an affirmation and reinforcement of the self, eventually leading to the development of a unique identity.

Believe in your own infinite potential. Through continuous exploration and creation, you will surely find the life path that makes you feel most fulfilled and happy, embracing the positive freedom that belongs to you.